Inspirational video – You CAN have a life of purpose

It’s common to feel like a victim. You think you’re not good enough, or you can’t do something, or you never get a break. You start feeling sorry for yourself.

Everybody does it sometime or another.

If anybody could dwell in the victim mentality it would be this guy in this video, Nick Vujicic.

I encourage you to watch this video. If you need a pick-me-up when you’re down, you might learn from his example.

Like he says in the video:

“It’s a lie to think you’re not good enough!
It’s a lie to think you’re not worth anything!”

In his own words,
“Be thankful, dream big and never give up!”

You CAN have a life of purpose.

If he can do it, I can do it… and
If he can do it, YOU can do it!

~Enjoy the video~
Please share your comments below

Holding on to suffering: the Martyr Syndrome – Part 2

In Part 1 I related the story of two traders at the Chicago Board Options Exchange on October 19, 1987, the day the market crashed. One made a huge amount of money and the other lost over a million dollars.

About six years later in a conversation I had with a very successful trader, he summarized it succinctly if not elegantly. He said, “Look, when you have to pee, you pee. Period. You don’t hold it in. You get rid of it and you feel better. It’s the same with a bad trade. You get rid of it and move on to the next one.”

Trader B, who lost over a million dollars that day, didn’t consciously set out to be a martyr. He didn’t consciously want to lose, yet he did.

Nobody held a gun to his head and forced him to keep a losing position, yet he did.

What subconscious beliefs led him to hold on to the loss?

Probably a belief ingrained during childhood that he needed to be perfect and that taking the loss would be an admission that he wasn’t perfect, and the fear that if he’s not perfect he must be a total loser and nobody would ever love him ever, ever again. In other words he took it personally. He projected all kinds of irrational fears into the simple act of getting out of a losing trade.

His ego wouldn’t let him admit being wrong

So the question is why do people do what is obviously bad for them, i.e., hold on to their suffering?

No matter what you believe with your conscious mind, your subconscious will always win out over the long run and control your behavior. Your conscious mind works while you’re awake. Your subconscious works around the clock.

Man, does it work around the clock!

If you think you have to be perfect, can never be wrong, will be rewarded for your suffering and self denial; those deeply held beliefs will cause you to hold on to your suffering.

If you have a fear of change or a fear of consequence, you will hold on to your suffering.

If you have low self-esteem and don’t feel competent to face the consequences of change, you will be mired in martyrdom.

If you insist on waiting for the other person to be a mind reader, you are REALLY screwed!

This advice isn’t only for traders. It’s the same with whatever suffering you’ve got. Don’t hold on to it. Get rid of it. You’ll feel better.

Take a leak!

Try another belief instead.

Stop demanding of yourself that you be right. Nobody is perfect. It’s okay to make mistakes. Correct the mistake and move on.

Stop expecting to be rewarded for your suffering. (You won’t be)

Stop being a martyr.

Regardless of the reasons why you’re in the situation you’re in, take responsibility for dealing with it as it is now.

Focus on the solution instead of your misery. You don’t have to wait until you have a forced realization.

Permit yourself to have something better. You have to give yourself permission to have something better before you can let go of your suffering.

If you can’t find it within yourself to give yourself permission, get a friend to help you through it. If you can’t do that, hire a coach who can work with you, guide you, and hold you accountable for taking responsibility.

When you take action and face your challenges, you increase your self-esteem and grow in confidence that you can handle the consequences of change.

Stop holding on to your suffering needlessly. Stop shooting yourself in the foot.

Take the first step. Realize that there are alternatives to living with that pain. Talk to a friend you can trust. Get coaching. Get counseling. See a doctor. See a lawyer. Take a step away from your suffering, dammit!

Take a leak!

Holding on to suffering: the Martyr Syndrome – Part 1

Why is it that the last thing people are willing to give up is their suffering?

I used to be a member of the Chicago Board Options Exchange. I was a market-maker and traded on the floor of the exchange. I was there on October 19, 1987 when the market crashed.

This is the story of two traders, neither of which was me.

Trader A rode the downtrend profitably and made over $700,000. Trader B stubbornly refused to get out of losing trades and lost just over a million dollars that day.

At the market close, two different people had staggeringly different experiences of the same event.

Why?

It’s a fairly common problem traders have. Their trade turns against them and instead of getting out of the loss; they hold on and use all kinds of wishful thinking to justify staying in a losing trade. (I’ve done it numerous times)

Sometimes they’re right and the market turns around and the trade becomes profitable. But more often than not, the loss gets bigger and bigger and no amount of rationalization can justify holding the position because it is just too damn painful and the loss has become too damn BIG!

That moment is called a forced realization.

This facet of behavior always intrigued me. Amazed me in fact.

Ashen faced and on the verge of tears, Trader B could only sit in shock after what had happened. While Trader A was all happy and chuckly but had the good sense to keep it to himself or I’m sure the others would have beaten him up if he dared to gloat.

Trader B sabotaged himself by holding on to a losing position and refusing to believe that he could be wrong. Instead of getting out of the trade and stopping the pain, he just held on to it.

You have to ask yourself what was the difference in the psychology of the two traders. What was going on in their subconscious minds? What were their beliefs? What enabled one trader to successfully and profitably trade that day while the other, seeing the same circumstances and data, couldn’t admit being wrong, didn’t have a plan if he was wrong, insisted on holding on to his suffering, and lost a ton of money in the process?

Why is it that the last thing people are willing to give up is their suffering?

To be continued…

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

It is the day after an historic election in the United States. Barack Obama will be the next president of the United States.

I thought this song sums it up. It’s “Proud” by Heather Small

Have a great day!

Enjoy!

p,s. Feel free to leave a comment.

Heather Small – Proud Lyrics
Album: Proud

I look into the window of my mind
Reflections of the fears I know I’ve left behind
I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I’m on my way
Can’t stop me now
And you can do the same (yeah)

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It’s never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

Still so many answers I don’t know (there are so many answers)
Realise that to question is how we grow (to question is to grow)
So I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I’m on my way
Can’t stop me now
And you can do the same (yeah)

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It’s never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

(yeah) We need a change (Yeah)
Do it today (yeah)
I can feel my spirit rising
(change, yeah) We need a change (yeah)
So do it today (yeah)
‘Cause I can see a clear horizon

What have you done today to make you feel proud? (to make you feel proud)
(let me hear ya X3)So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
(yeah)’Cause you could be so many people
Just make that break for freedom
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?

Heather Small – Proud
Lyrics courtesy of Sing365.com

Anxiety, Fear, and Self-Sabotage – Bailouts and Wall Street and Politicians, Oh My! 7 Tips to Avoid Overwhelm Now

If what is going on in the world economy, stock markets, and politics has you shaking your head in disbelief and your stomach tied in knots, read on.

Here are 7 tips for gaining perspective on the situation and changing your mental state.

1. Turn off the TV — Spending too much time being pummeled by pundits does not serve your wellbeing. Networks know that fear sells. Networks know no one can resist slowing down to see the car wreck. They count on it. Their advertisers count on it. If you must watch it to keep informed, fine. Just don’t overdo it. I am not suggesting you live in denial. Draw a line between getting information and wallowing in the mess.
2. Go out for a walk. — Spend some time by yourself, get a little exercise and enjoy the fresh air. If you have a park or a wooded area where you can walk, so much the better. Turn off your cell phone. Be alone with your thoughts for a while.
3. Read a good book. — Either fiction or non-fiction. It doesn’t matter as long as can get absorbed in it for a while. It will change your mental state.
4. Focus on your breathing. — Just the act of focusing on inhaling and exhaling will automatically relax you and change your state.
5. Pray or meditate. — That’s an obvious one, isn’t it?
6. Listen to music. — Whether the music is joyful, relaxing, upbeat, or slow it will take your mind off things for a while.
7. Gratitude. — Think of all the things you’re grateful for. You can do this while walking, or listening to music, or any other time.
8. Bonus tip. — Hug your family and tell them you love and appreciate them. What the heck, do the same with your friends too.

Bottom line: Constant exposure to negative input contributes to fear, anxiety, frustration and anger. Do one or all eight of the above suggestions and change your mental state. When you do, you will be able to make better decisions on how to deal with your own personal situation without being overwhelmed by the events of the day.

One thing that can work very fast for relieving anxiety and fear is the Emotional Freedom Technique, or EFT for short. Watch this free video, then download their free manual to get started immediately handling your anxiety.

Watch the new EFT video