Steve Jobs Stanford commencement address

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. … Stay hungry. Stay foolish.”

— Steve Jobs, Stanford University commencement address, June 2005.

A lesson in compassion from a one-legged pigeon

On my last trip to Los Angeles, I visited the Santa Monica Pier.

At the end of the pier there are two large sets of steps where people can sit and watch people, the sunset or whatever. I sat down with my cup of coffee to enjoy the view.

On the step, at my feet stood a fat pigeon. A normal-sized pigeon flew to it, and stuck it’s beak in the fat one’s beak, shaking it’s head up and down. It looked like a feeding ritual, although the one being fed was obviously not a baby.

After a few minutes of this, someone ran up the steps and both pigeons flew off. As they took off right in front of me, I saw the fat one only had one leg.

That blew me away!

In the animal kingdom, a healthy pigeon will take care of a handicapped pigeon. I’d never heard of anything like that and probably wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it.

I was lost in thought wondering about why can’t people do the same, just extend a kindness to another person.

Not five minutes later a homeless man with a limp came to the trash container at the foot of the steps where I was sitting. I watched him dig around in the trash and pull out a cigarette butt. He picked at it, cleaning it off. Then he reached in again and pulled out a plastic bag with something in it resembling a remnant of a sandwich.

While I watched him, trying not to be too obvious about it, and also thinking about what I had just seen with the two pigeons, he took the sandwich, picked at it and took a bite. He chewed it a bit, took another bite, spit some out, until he salvaged what he felt he could eat safely. He discarded the bag in the trashcan.

I was STUNNED!

I’d never seen anything like that in person, real-time. In one of the richest communities in the country, someone was eating out of a trashcan. He started to walk away. Still in shock, thinking about him and the pigeons, I watched him go around the corner of the building before it occurred to me to do something. But it was too late.

Five minutes later when I’d recovered my senses, I decided to walk around the corner and if he were still there I thought it would be a sign I should buy him some food. I walked over and saw him leaning on the railing picking at his new-found cigarette butt.

I came up to him and said “Hi.” He said “hi” to me. I asked him if it would be okay if I bought him a meal. He looked at me with surprise and a smile, probably not sure if he heard me correctly. I repeated, “You know, can I buy you some food?”

He smiled and said yes. He wanted a hot dog. We started walking to the hot dog stand. I asked him his name and where he was from. He asked me the same. I asked if he wanted a drink with the food. He said no, then taking a big risk, he asked if he could have two hot dogs. I said yes.

He was from China and he told me his name. He came to the U.S. seven years before with his family. He spoke English pretty well and said he hadn’t been able to find work here.

We got to the hot dog stand and I asked if he wanted fries. He said yes. I got food for both of us and we sat and talked as we ate. It turned out he had studied English in school before his family had even come here.

We didn’t talk a lot. I was just trying to be present to another human being. I noticed I felt really conscious of NOT trying to lecture him on how to fix his situation. I didn’t ask if he was trying to find work. I didn’t ask him if he slept on the street or in a shelter. It really was irrelevant. We were just sharing a meal.

After we were done eating, I wished him luck. He thanked me and walked away.

Down the pier, he turned left and I asked the Angels to send him a blessing, keep him safe and let him know that he is loved and supported.

I followed at a distance. When I got to the point where he turned left I saw him leaning against the railing trying to light that cigarette butt, cupping it against the wind.

I continued to the end of the pier, and up the steps again to ponder the synchronicities and lessons that had just unfolded.

When you’re stuck in a victim mindset

When  you feel life’s got you down and you’re stuck in the victim mindset you might try watching this video to  get a nudge out of it.

Everybody is here in this life for a reason. Have faith that you’ll find that spark in you that you’re here to share with others.

I love this song. It’s so uplifting!

Feel free to leave a comment below.

Firework – Katy Perry  -  lyrics

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind wanting to start again
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there’s still a chance for you
‘Cause there’s a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the 4th of July

Baby you’re a firework
Come on show ‘em what you’re worth
Make ‘em go Ah! Ah! Ah!
As you shoot across the sky

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ‘em go Ah! Ah! Ah!
You’re gonna leave ‘em all in awe, awe, awe

You don’t have to feel like a wasted space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt your heart will glow
And when it’s time you’ll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the 4th of July

‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ‘em what you’re worth
Make ‘em go Ah! Ah! Ah!
As you shoot across the sky

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ‘em go Ah! Ah! Ah!
You’re gonna leave ‘em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom Boom Boom
Even brighter than the moon moon moon
It’s always been inside of You You You
And now it’s time to let it through

‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ‘em what you’re worth
Make ‘em go Ah! Ah! Ah!
As you shoot across the sky

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ‘em go Ah! Ah! Ah!
You’re gonna leave ‘em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom Boom Boom
Even brighter than the moon moon moon
Boom Boom Boom
Even brighter than the moon moon moon

Martyr syndrome and subconscious programming

Gandhi once said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in agreement.”

When you are living in the martyr syndrome or in victim behavior, what you are thinking, saying, or doing are not in agreement.

In relationships for example, your spouse or partner makes yet another request (or demand) for you to do something or go somewhere with them. You don’t want to do it, you resent doing it, you complain to other people (but never your spouse or partner) that you don’t want to do it and then… YOU DO IT ANYWAY.

What you think, say and do are OUT of agreement.

Now you’re possibly saying to yourself, yeah, that’s exactly what I do, I want to stop it, how do I stop it?

Henny Youngman, the late, stand up comedian known for his one-liners, used to tell a joke:
A man goes to see his doctor. He tells the doctor, “Doc, it hurts when I do this.” The doctor says, “Don’t do that.”

Simple advice but why is it SO, SO, SO hard to do? Drumroll, please…

Your subconscious mind is running your behavior.

Is your subconscious mind some sick, twisted beast determined to sabotage you?

No, your subconscious is there to help you and does a lot of marvelous things to keep you alive and functioning. It controls your breathing, digestion, heart and blood flow, and many other things so you don’t have to consciously think about them.

And it also dictates a lot of your behavior.

The subconscious mind is kind of like software that has acquired and accumulated your ‘programming’ over your lifetime, a majority of which was acquired in childhood. It tries to help you by protecting you, and it does so by running the ‘programs’ or response behaviors you’ve adopted to deal with a variety of situations.

The situations are usually ones that cause some type of fear response and the subconscious protects you against the fear. In the above example, if you’re afraid to say NO to your spouse or partner, it protects you by running the behavior program where you do what was asked even though you don’t want to and resent doing so.

Instead of saying NO and risking disapproval, or an argument, when you stood up for yourself, you avoid the fear of that course of action and settle for one that avoids confrontation and makes you resent the other person AND yourself for not standing up for what you really wanted.

Inspirational video – You CAN have a life of purpose

It’s common to feel like a victim. You think you’re not good enough, or you can’t do something, or you never get a break. You start feeling sorry for yourself.

Everybody does it sometime or another.

If anybody could dwell in the victim mentality it would be this guy in this video, Nick Vujicic.

I encourage you to watch this video. If you need a pick-me-up when you’re down, you might learn from his example.

Like he says in the video:

“It’s a lie to think you’re not good enough!
It’s a lie to think you’re not worth anything!”

In his own words,
“Be thankful, dream big and never give up!”

You CAN have a life of purpose.

If he can do it, I can do it… and
If he can do it, YOU can do it!

~Enjoy the video~
Please share your comments below

Holding on to suffering: the Martyr Syndrome – Part 2

In Part 1 I related the story of two traders at the Chicago Board Options Exchange on October 19, 1987, the day the market crashed. One made a huge amount of money and the other lost over a million dollars.

About six years later in a conversation I had with a very successful trader, he summarized it succinctly if not elegantly. He said, “Look, when you have to pee, you pee. Period. You don’t hold it in. You get rid of it and you feel better. It’s the same with a bad trade. You get rid of it and move on to the next one.”

Trader B, who lost over a million dollars that day, didn’t consciously set out to be a martyr. He didn’t consciously want to lose, yet he did.

Nobody held a gun to his head and forced him to keep a losing position, yet he did.

What subconscious beliefs led him to hold on to the loss?

Probably a belief ingrained during childhood that he needed to be perfect and that taking the loss would be an admission that he wasn’t perfect, and the fear that if he’s not perfect he must be a total loser and nobody would ever love him ever, ever again. In other words he took it personally. He projected all kinds of irrational fears into the simple act of getting out of a losing trade.

His ego wouldn’t let him admit being wrong

So the question is why do people do what is obviously bad for them, i.e., hold on to their suffering?

No matter what you believe with your conscious mind, your subconscious will always win out over the long run and control your behavior. Your conscious mind works while you’re awake. Your subconscious works around the clock.

Man, does it work around the clock!

If you think you have to be perfect, can never be wrong, will be rewarded for your suffering and self denial; those deeply held beliefs will cause you to hold on to your suffering.

If you have a fear of change or a fear of consequence, you will hold on to your suffering.

If you have low self-esteem and don’t feel competent to face the consequences of change, you will be mired in martyrdom.

If you insist on waiting for the other person to be a mind reader, you are REALLY screwed!

This advice isn’t only for traders. It’s the same with whatever suffering you’ve got. Don’t hold on to it. Get rid of it. You’ll feel better.

Take a leak!

Try another belief instead.

Stop demanding of yourself that you be right. Nobody is perfect. It’s okay to make mistakes. Correct the mistake and move on.

Stop expecting to be rewarded for your suffering. (You won’t be)

Stop being a martyr.

Regardless of the reasons why you’re in the situation you’re in, take responsibility for dealing with it as it is now.

Focus on the solution instead of your misery. You don’t have to wait until you have a forced realization.

Permit yourself to have something better. You have to give yourself permission to have something better before you can let go of your suffering.

If you can’t find it within yourself to give yourself permission, get a friend to help you through it. If you can’t do that, hire a coach who can work with you, guide you, and hold you accountable for taking responsibility.

When you take action and face your challenges, you increase your self-esteem and grow in confidence that you can handle the consequences of change.

Stop holding on to your suffering needlessly. Stop shooting yourself in the foot.

Take the first step. Realize that there are alternatives to living with that pain. Talk to a friend you can trust. Get coaching. Get counseling. See a doctor. See a lawyer. Take a step away from your suffering, dammit!

Take a leak!

Holding on to suffering: the Martyr Syndrome – Part 1

Why is it that the last thing people are willing to give up is their suffering?

I used to be a member of the Chicago Board Options Exchange. I was a market-maker and traded on the floor of the exchange. I was there on October 19, 1987 when the market crashed.

This is the story of two traders, neither of which was me.

Trader A rode the downtrend profitably and made over $700,000. Trader B stubbornly refused to get out of losing trades and lost just over a million dollars that day.

At the market close, two different people had staggeringly different experiences of the same event.

Why?

It’s a fairly common problem traders have. Their trade turns against them and instead of getting out of the loss; they hold on and use all kinds of wishful thinking to justify staying in a losing trade. (I’ve done it numerous times)

Sometimes they’re right and the market turns around and the trade becomes profitable. But more often than not, the loss gets bigger and bigger and no amount of rationalization can justify holding the position because it is just too damn painful and the loss has become too damn BIG!

That moment is called a forced realization.

This facet of behavior always intrigued me. Amazed me in fact.

Ashen faced and on the verge of tears, Trader B could only sit in shock after what had happened. While Trader A was all happy and chuckly but had the good sense to keep it to himself or I’m sure the others would have beaten him up if he dared to gloat.

Trader B sabotaged himself by holding on to a losing position and refusing to believe that he could be wrong. Instead of getting out of the trade and stopping the pain, he just held on to it.

You have to ask yourself what was the difference in the psychology of the two traders. What was going on in their subconscious minds? What were their beliefs? What enabled one trader to successfully and profitably trade that day while the other, seeing the same circumstances and data, couldn’t admit being wrong, didn’t have a plan if he was wrong, insisted on holding on to his suffering, and lost a ton of money in the process?

Why is it that the last thing people are willing to give up is their suffering?

To be continued…

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

It is the day after an historic election in the United States. Barack Obama will be the next president of the United States.

I thought this song sums it up. It’s “Proud” by Heather Small

Have a great day!

Enjoy!

p,s. Feel free to leave a comment.

Heather Small – Proud Lyrics
Album: Proud

I look into the window of my mind
Reflections of the fears I know I’ve left behind
I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I’m on my way
Can’t stop me now
And you can do the same (yeah)

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It’s never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

Still so many answers I don’t know (there are so many answers)
Realise that to question is how we grow (to question is to grow)
So I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I’m on my way
Can’t stop me now
And you can do the same (yeah)

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It’s never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

(yeah) We need a change (Yeah)
Do it today (yeah)
I can feel my spirit rising
(change, yeah) We need a change (yeah)
So do it today (yeah)
‘Cause I can see a clear horizon

What have you done today to make you feel proud? (to make you feel proud)
(let me hear ya X3)So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
(yeah)’Cause you could be so many people
Just make that break for freedom
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?

Heather Small – Proud
Lyrics courtesy of Sing365.com

Anxiety, Fear, and Self-Sabotage – Bailouts and Wall Street and Politicians, Oh My! 7 Tips to Avoid Overwhelm Now

If what is going on in the world economy, stock markets, and politics has you shaking your head in disbelief and your stomach tied in knots, read on.

Here are 7 tips for gaining perspective on the situation and changing your mental state.

1. Turn off the TV — Spending too much time being pummeled by pundits does not serve your wellbeing. Networks know that fear sells. Networks know no one can resist slowing down to see the car wreck. They count on it. Their advertisers count on it. If you must watch it to keep informed, fine. Just don’t overdo it. I am not suggesting you live in denial. Draw a line between getting information and wallowing in the mess.
2. Go out for a walk. — Spend some time by yourself, get a little exercise and enjoy the fresh air. If you have a park or a wooded area where you can walk, so much the better. Turn off your cell phone. Be alone with your thoughts for a while.
3. Read a good book. — Either fiction or non-fiction. It doesn’t matter as long as can get absorbed in it for a while. It will change your mental state.
4. Focus on your breathing. — Just the act of focusing on inhaling and exhaling will automatically relax you and change your state.
5. Pray or meditate. — That’s an obvious one, isn’t it?
6. Listen to music. — Whether the music is joyful, relaxing, upbeat, or slow it will take your mind off things for a while.
7. Gratitude. — Think of all the things you’re grateful for. You can do this while walking, or listening to music, or any other time.
8. Bonus tip. — Hug your family and tell them you love and appreciate them. What the heck, do the same with your friends too.

Bottom line: Constant exposure to negative input contributes to fear, anxiety, frustration and anger. Do one or all eight of the above suggestions and change your mental state. When you do, you will be able to make better decisions on how to deal with your own personal situation without being overwhelmed by the events of the day.

One thing that can work very fast for relieving anxiety and fear is the Emotional Freedom Technique, or EFT for short. Watch this free video, then download their free manual to get started immediately handling your anxiety.

Watch the new EFT video

Discovering your purpose, your dharma… what I learned from Paul Potts

Every one of us has a unique reason to be here and a unique contribution to make.

In the interview clips Paul Potts says he was bullied when he was younger and that he didn’t have much self confidence, that his voice was his best friend.

He had been in some previous amateur opera productions but after being injured in an accident and not having much luck getting more singing opportunities, he resigned himself to being a cell phone saleman.

But he didn’t lose his dream.

He didn’t give up.

When opportunity knocked in the form of an audition for Britain’s Got Talent, he opened the door to let it in. He didn’t let fear or a lack of self-confidence stop him.

What strength or skill or talent is your best friend? What are you proud of?

Then, why are you hiding it?

You have an OBLIGATION to share it!

In Eckhart Tolle’s book, “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment“, he starts by saying,

“You are here to enable the divine purpose of the universe to unfold. That is how important you are.”

Know your purpose. Claim your purpose.

When you are aligned with your purpose, the Law of Attraction will bring you something better than you can imagine.

Your opportunity may be knocking right now.

Watch this video and know that it can happen in an instant. It can happen for you!

Simply amazing, inspirational, like watching a rocket take off!